The taste of a strawberry

I’ll be a story in your head. But that’s OK: We’re all stories, in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?

Steven Moffat

When faith turns into knowledge, science comes to be the death of God. Technology robs the world of the magic that surrounds us when flying carpets turn into hot air balloons. The slow march of time robs us of our sense of wonder and curiosity with each bill that comes due and each deadline that approaches. The world slowly gets colder and colder. The more we study and the more we learn, the more our surroundings lose their color. We get hung up on the past and worry about the future. We worry about our sadness and all of our anxieties. We think and overthink until we can think no more. And what does that get us? A promotion? A deep comprehension of how ugly this world is? Thinking gets us all of this and more, but there’s a hidden gift to discover that we tend to overlook.

“Cogito, ergo sum”

I think, therefore I am. Descartes was referring to his skepticism about the reliability of our senses and cognition, but if you’re reading this essay, you probably don’t care much for all of that. In and of itself, the now famous cogito ergo sum represents a fascinating mindset we’ll now explore.

Who are we? Where do we come from? What is our purpose in this world? These are the questions that throughout history have founded religions and guided civilizations. We love to think that the world has some meaning, that we’re special, and that there’s something irreducible in our being that is characterized as specifically human. It’s a very natural instinct to believe that our species is special in some way. To believe that we have a soul given to us by God is a cosmic interjection that puts us a step above a stone or a worm. But those are topics for another day.

For the moment, let’s assume that’s all a farse. The most likely fact of our existence is that we’re just molecules that, for some reason beyond our capacity to understand, collided in some interesting way to create what today we call life. Continuing this train of thought to its natural philosophical conclusion means that the feeling of “love” you get when you’re with your partner is just a cocktail of neurotransmitters designed specifically by years of evolution to get in bed with them. It means that any accomplishment in your life is a result of pure chance and, as hard as it is to admit, none of what you have done deserves any celebration. After death comes a thousand years of solitude and the Ten Commandments — just like the Constitution — are just historical graffiti. Nothing you do matters because it’s not even you! From the day you’re born to the day you die, life is completely and utterly predetermined in the most banal of ways, and all of your “decisions” are illusions.

We’ve just assumed something quite serious: that our “souls” were created in an arbitrary event 13.7 billion years ago, a cosmic explosion that, throughout the ages has given birth to the first stars, the formation of a frigid and infernal sphere of minerals, interactions between basic molecules, the creation of the first organisms, and after millions of years resulted in the world we know today. All of this to get to the human race, whose history makes up the most minuscule portion of the existence of our universe.

Even with all of this history that appears to demystify our achievements, humanity does end up having something pretty special: the capacity to think. Functionally, reason and logic distinguish us from other animals and have helped us conquer the world. With this simple tool, we’ve been able to create entire civilizations, literature, culture, and global society. However, with all of our thinking and figuring, we’ve ended up robbing the world of its magic and innocence. The capacity for Reason is an incredible evolutionary feat but where has it left us?

I think, therefore I am. In a world so devoid of meaning and purpose, it’s easy to fall into a pessimistic spiral that annihilates all of our basic beliefs. I fight every day to push aside the skepticism and convince myself that this isn’t true. I’m constantly trying to explain how humanity can exist due to something other than mere coincidence and damn luck. What is our purpose here???? What is the point of life, the universe, and everything???? Asking these questions is perfectly human — and some even think they have an answer! But for some reason, none of those answers ever seem to fully sit right with us.

So what are we supposed to do now? What happens when we realize that we’re merely atoms floating around in the cosmic wind. This, I think, is the most liberating discovery one could ever aspire towards. It’s the discovery that I am not a special being placed on this earth by an all-powerful being, that I am nothing, but I am.

Stop and think about that for two seconds. Think about what that really means. I am. I exist. For whatever reason, in this very moment you’re undergoing an incredibly wonderful and complex process that generates thoughts, feelings, and fundamental discoveries.

I’ve personally spent quite some time playing around with this nihilism, but rainbows haven’t lost their color, music hasn’t lost its tenor, strawberries maintain their sweet taste, and the sun still stings in the summer. The reality is that this realization makes life look even better, even more wonderful! It’s a bit crazy to think that life has no meaning, but in spite of that

I still exist!!!

It’s quite boring to go about your life assuming there’s a reason for your existence, especially if it’s a purpose you’ll never quite discover. Humanity has spent most of its existence looking for an answer to this very question. Gandhi, Confucius, Marcus Aurelius, Saint Augustine, Jesus Christ, Descartes, Kant, Locke, Hume, Leibniz, and many other have looked far and wide to find the answer, but none of their proposals have really been fully accepted. Life makes no sense — it’s something boring and predetermined. What is interesting is that, in spite of that, we can breathe, feel, hear, and talk for no particular reason. The universe doesn’t care if we should or shouldn’t exist, but we do anyways! We exist and the universe can go f*** itself!!!

This comprehension has made me appreciate life so much more — in the same way that one can appreciate a wonderful but fleeting moment. There’s no better feeling that really being at a concert when everyone around you is watching through their little screens. Such moments can never be fully captured on a screen and your memory will eventually fade, but in that moment, you really lived. Sometimes it’s tragic to have a melody, a phrase, an image, or a feeling stuck in your head knowing you’ll never find it again. But sometimes I find that to be quite precious. There’s something to say about the impermanence of these moments, just like what we call life that makes it all the sweeter.

Despite the lack of meaning in our life, we are still complex and incredibly luminescent beings. Cogito, ergo sum. This same sentence describes everything that’s incredible about this life, the idea that beauty comes not from some hidden meaning or standard, but from its pure accidental existence. Life itself is a beautiful miracle!